Sunday, January 12, 2014

The first ever Steve Ahlquist Fanfic

Ms. Janina Balabat has written a story about me. She sent me a letter a while ago, and seems to be very interested in my renouncing Humanism and embracing creationism and the Bible. She would like to see me "utterly defeated" and imagines me as a "handsome young preacher. In a series of four comments on my blog Caution Church Ahead, she tells a rather long and rambling story about what I will eventually be preaching from my pulpit.

Here is the story in its entirety. It's really not worth reading all the way through.
Dear Steve,
Since you have a great sense of humor (which I like very much) I decided to post a humorous article on your blog “CAUTION CHURCH AHEAD.” Reading it may make you laugh or cry, dance, jump or lay down on the floor, but would you please, please, please… not faint, not get upset with me or get offended. It is an imaginary story just a funny article, nothing more, but it also contains reality. 
In my previous article I asked you to answer some very simple life questions, questions that we face on a daily basis, questions that we live by. And I mentioned, if you are not able to answer them you would not only be defeated, but you would kill and bury evolution by your own hands. Of course, as you and I know, there was no response from your side which means you have committed crime against your atheist organization, you killed evolution. There is no evolution on this planet earth for ever and ever. So you cannot belong to that organization any longer. What is left for you? Nothing more than to take the Holy Bible and start preaching creation. In my imagination I see you as a young and handsome man, standing behind the pulpit and saying:
Dear Brothers and Sisters, Ladies and Gentlemen, for many years I was preaching evolution. I came to the point where I cannot answer simple questions of the real life and did not find any material to support evolution. So, I arranged a big pile of wood, put evolution on the top of, set up fire and burned it. There is no evolution on this planet earth any more. Of course, it was a big crime against my previous atheist organization, so I got excommunicated from it. Today I only preach creation.
Would you please open your Holy Bible to the book of Genesis, first chapter and first verse:
“In the beginning God created heaven and earth. Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so.
Reading these words we noticed that God spoke to the earth and the earth listened to the voice of the living God and did as the Lord God decreed. Also interesting is that even now, in the 21st century, the earth listens to the Creator and carries out His will. God commanded the grass and tree to produce seeds. And all of the plants listened to God’s will, and they continue to do so to this day. The most interesting and amazing is that there is life in these little seeds. Human eyes cannot see the life in these little seeds. Even the most precise laboratories on Earth cannot find or observe the life in them. They cannot describe its size, taste, color, or weight-even though there is life in each of God’s seed. God’s Word and will live inside them. Each little seed created by God is alive, a believer, and is obedient to its Maker. Ponder this wonderful miracle. Tiny seeds, though dry like a bone, will produce a plant when put it in the ground, watered, and warmed by the sun. The resulting plant will grow and bloom and its beauty will bring much joy to our eyes and heart. The plant will then bear seeds and bring forth one hundred times as many seeds as it started from.
Today’s high tech scientists can make artificial seeds. They can make them the same color, weight, taste, shape, and all the chemicals will be the same, but this seed will not have life in it. A man-made seed will be an unbeliever and dead. It will not hear the voice of God and it will not produce the fruits. If we put it in the ground, water, warmth, it will decay, it will turn into elements which it was made of. A man cannot put life in the seed. Only God, the Creator, can do this job.
God established a manner of reproduction for each plant. Each tree, bush, flower, and blade of grass has a specific method for reproduction. Man cannot create the manner of reproduction, only God, the Creator of heaven and earth, can give life. Today, in the 21st century, we see God’s work. Our eyes really enjoy seeing grand trees, bushes, shrubs and countless kinds of flowers. Of course, not only our eyes enjoy it, but our stomach as well, seeing on the table vegetables, fruits, berries and seeds full of minerals, vitamins and aroma confirms that God’s work is good.
Then God said, “Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens. And God bless them saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”
We see from verse 20 that God spoke to the water. This means that the water is also a living substance, which can hear His voice. Further, the water has not changed since the time of its creation until now. It remains alive and an active listener of God’s command, even today.
Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind”, and it was so.
The Lord God commanded the land to bring forth life, and the earth, after hearing the voice of the living God, did as it was told. God wants to see life on this planet earth so He established the method of reproduction for birds, fish, animals, and reptiles. Each living beings, in its own time, carries out the necessary events in reproduction, and the planet continues to be filled with life.
When food, beauties, conditions, and all necessities were prepared on our planet earth God decided to create something new and unusual. Let’s read verse 26.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness.” 
Now a question arises, how did God create the man? Let’s read Gen. 2:7.  
“And the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”
God breathed into man the breath of life. Therefore, in each man, there is the breath of God, a tiny portion of Him. Some people call the breath of God a soul, a spirit, and some say that the breath is conscience. All these terms are really of little consequence. What’s important is that each person has this breath. In each person there is a portion of God. If God did not breathe the breath of life into man, so this man made of dust still would be dust until today. Without the breath man cannot live. For only the Life can create another life. Nothing comes from nothing.
God named the first man Adam and looked after his conduct, action, and mood. And He noticed an interesting detail. Let’s read more from chapter 2:
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Gen 2:18.
While watching the first man, God noticed that he wasn’t satisfied; he wasn’t happy, content. He was alone and without friends that were comparable to him. Therefore, God decided to create a helper for him. 
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought to the man.” Gen.2:21-22.
Surely we can imagine how the first man reacted when his eyes first beheld the young, beautiful woman. I think we all can envision this scene and the joy Adam must have felt, and also how loudly he exclaimed: 
“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of man.” Gen. 2:23.
Probably his blood started to boil and, if there were some other men, he would say, ”If somebody touches her, he’s going to feel my heavy fist on his nose.” That’s what men do.
I noticed a very interesting thing that the woman was made from the rib of man. Not from his head to top him or govern him, nor from his foot to be stepped on by him, but from his side to be equal to him, but under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved and treasured by him.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24.
“Therefore what God has joined, let not man separate.” Mark 2:9. 
God blessed them and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea; over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Gen.1:28.
We can see that God Himself created the marital life, and God gave the young couple a challenging task on this planet earth to multiply and fill the earth. It is God who established the method of reproduction for mankind. It is God who controls the development of mankind. It is He who maintains the balance between male and female.
It is God who foresaw everything for existence of mankind, who prepared beautiful conditions for their life, and this is a fact, which we all witness. No one – not the rich, the poor, the educated, the un-educated, the wise, or simple – can deny this fact, because it is the truth. 
“For thus says the Lord, who created the heavens, who is God, who formed the earth and made it, who has established it, who did not create it in vain, who formed it to be inhabited.” Is.45:18. 
Now Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to share my personal testimony. When I was alone, many times I came to my apartment, but my apartment was empty. Nobody opened the door for me, nobody greeted me, nobody was waiting for me, nobody prepared a bowl of hot soup for me, and nobody was around me. Not only my apartment was empty, but my heart was empty also. I was alone. Many times I cried, got angry and went to the bed hungry. But God Almighty, Creator of the universe, saw the first man Adam that it wasn’t good for him to be alone. The same God saw me, saw that my heart was heavy when I was alone. He saw my pain and heard my cry and He has prepared such a beauty for me – my wife. When I saw her for the first time, I acted exactly like Adam did. I screamed and yelled saying: “She is mine, she belongs only to me! If someone touches her, he will feel my heavy fist on his nose for a long time!” That’s what men do even today. 
Now I am married and, of course, fulfilled God’s command: “Multiply and fill the earth.” I have precious and very energetic children, so my house is full of a mess and sometime is shaking because of a noise, but my heart is full of joy and happiness. I am not alone anymore! I have family! I am a blessed man! Thank you, God Almighty, Creator of the universe for remembering me!
Eve, woman, wife, mother is beautiful at all ages and very important for this planet because without her our Earth would be dead. The woman is tangible and living proof that God wants to see life on our planet earth. Eve, the wife, is proof that God hasn’t changed and that He is the same today, in the 21st century, as He was in the beginning when He created the first man. Of course, without man our planet also would be empty, so for this reason God has created male and female, Adam and Eve, not two Adams nor two Eves. God Almighty established the unchangeable law to keep the balance between man and woman as we are witnessing it. As we can see Life wants to see another life on our planet earth, only Life can create another life. Amen and Amen!
Ooooohhhh... Steve! Your sermon is excellent! It is reality, it is fact, and it is the truth! Who can contradict it? May God Almighty richly bless you and your beautiful family. Please share this message with the entire world.

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